Sonic Goes to the Store
by Sanic Hegehog
Summary: Tomorrow is Tails' birthday, and the cool blue dude attempts to get a present and party supplies, but is thrown into his most confusing adventure yet! In Chapter 3, challengers begin to approach...
1. Chapter 1

This story was the result of bunch of guys who figured out that a chat they had came with an Etherpad addon. After a glorious clusterfuck of stupid things, arguing amongst authors, and people who couldn't forge a simple complete sentence for the life of them, when there were only three people left who were _mostly_ dedicated to the story, this fic finally settled on a single writing style, (mostly) coherent writing, an incredible twist, and finally a PLOT. Amazing, am I right? But, first, you have to wade through the thunder and the lightning with this first chapter, which I left unedited from the Etherpad itself. Stomach it, and you will reach the Nirvana of storytelling.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, prepare to have your eyes lit on fire, body doused in napalm, and genitals rubbed with Bengay, as IT IS TIME FOR:

**SONIC GOES TO THE STORE**

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><p>It was a beautiful day in Station Square. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Sonic was taking a nice slow walk to the grocery store. Ironic, huh? Tomorrow was Tails' birthday, and Sonic was going to get supplies for the suprise party. He wanted to make it awesome, and make sure nothing went wrong. Kinda like Sonic's last birthday, with the giant time eating robot and the time travel and the past selves and UGH. It was so confusing, Sonic preferred to not think about it. He has nightmares about it still. Anyway, on Sonic's way to the store, he bumps straight into a familiar figure...<p>

It was none other than...

…

DOC?

"Oh! Um... Hi Sonic! I was just... picking up Evil Juice! For... my robots!", said Eggman.

No, not that Doc! The other one!

"I don't get what you're saying! I'm the only Evil Doctor around these parts! ...right?", inquired Eggman.

"DONT GO THROUGH THE DOOR", Tails suddenly shouted from nowhere, ruining the chances of a Back to the Future crossover.

"T-The door into summer?" Tails interrupted

"NYEH SHUT UP TAILS!" Sonic angrily shouted as he suddenly gained the voice of an English schoolgirl

Eggman shouted, "H-hey! Where did Tails come from?"

"The door into summer...?" Tails nervously replied.

"What door into summer?", Eggman asked.

"The door to the wisps destiny, broham.", Knuckles shouted.

"Just follow the blue road, to the east of the tanooki tree...", He continued.

"KNUCKLES HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING WEED AGAIN", Dr. Eggman shouted.

THEN BLAZE SHOWED UP!

"HOLY CRAP BLAZE." Sonic shouted. "WHERE THE HECK DID YOU COME FROM? WHY IS EVERYONE APPEARING OUT OF NO WHERE?"

Blaze replied, "Magic." And snorted twice, for she had a slight cold. This would come in handly later for some random reason. How? We'll think it up. Somehow.

"PINGAS!" Eggman blurted out. Everyone then looked at him oddly. "What?" he asked. "Everyone was going crazy, so..."

"Ok, ok, that's it! I need to go to the store!", Sonic shouted. "Eggman and Blaze, come with me! Knuckles, you stay with Tails. YOU TOO SHADOW!" and your mother, is a very nice lady, shouts eggman.

Shadow said, "How did I even get here? Who am I? MARIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Sonic took ahold of Blaze and Dr. Eggman's wrists and dragged them off in the direction of SEGAmart.

**MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE...**

Metal Sonic stood there, in standby mode. Although he was not active, Metal Sonic still felt it. Despite the good doctor programming him to be "more tolerable" than his fleshy counterpart, he was becoming impatient. He hadn't been used in years. He longed to reach toward his fleshy counterpart and wring his neck. But no. It had to wait. Before he could do that, he had to get out of the confines of Eggman Enterprises. For now, he was sitting there, in purgatory, an agonizing blankness that he felt would never en-

Suddenly, a door was opened and Eggman yanked Metal out of his containment tube. Eggman stared Metal in the face and said, "We're helping Sonic out for once. Play nice, and after the big party, I might let you go after him. Get it?"

"What is it, exactly?", the Egg-shaped man replied, furrowing his brow.

Metal replied, "I want to be the person that ends his pathetic life."

"Two things are wrong with your statement.. First, you're a robot. Also, what would you do after you kill him? I'd have to repurpose you to be a cleaning robot. Just beat him within an inch of his life. Besides, I need a nemisis too, you know! You think I really leave these big holes in my plans? No, it's all on purpose!"

"So what you want most, your dream empire, is nothing now?" The robot responded, curious.

"No, no. I still want the empire. It's just, I feel a better sense of accomplishment when I have somebody to beat, you know?", said the doctor.

"Yes, but... isn't Sonic someone to beat?" Metal Sonic asked, slowly losing faith in the doctor he had put so much patience into standing.

"Eh, it's a bit complicated. We'll talk about it more after the party, alright? Now come on, I'm gonna install a mouth and taste receptors into you", said the Doctor as he led his beloved creation down a corridor.

**MEANWHILE,...**

Blaze, what is the meaning of you not doing your homework!, said teacher Rittenbach.

Immm Imm Imm sorry. I didnt mean to not do it, I forrgot :(The more you go next to the house of miss rittenbach, the more you will want to go into the haunted store. Just remember to go with a witness, The kid named cola- what the heck am I saying lol. I am soooooooooooooooo confused. Then te guy fell down the stairs got knocked on conscience, and got an concusion, but dont worry the docter fixed it all. 3,0000,0000,0000 dollars later. Dr. Eggman ( The Doctor) was brought to court by blaze. For knowingly what AM I WRITING LMAO

THEY WERE GOING TO THE STOOOORE.

"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED" Sonic shouted. "THE STORY QUALITY IS GETTING WORES. MY CENTSES ARR GETTING BADDER AND BADER"

"There must be someting causing this!" Tailes pointed aut smartedly.

Sonic chuckleded. "If there WUZZN'T something making dis worse, it was written by CWC."

SUDENLY, John Freeman who was Gorden Freeman's brother came ranning down street. In his hand held deviece that distortled reallyity nd maed spelling and grammer bad. but Sanic couldnt act en time, as John Freeman had ran buy alerady at supa fast speeds, and realyity was slowly turning bak to normal.

"Whoa ho, what?" Sonic laughed, holding his head.

"It seemed that the device messes with the forces that drive the rationality of reality." Eggman had pointed out the obvious.

"I never even MET a person named that." Blaze noted.

Sonic crossed his arms. "So, what do we call this device we saw that guy with?"

Eggman scratched his chin to think. "Hmm... Why not be literal and call it Reality Distortion Device, or RDD?"

"I say we call it the Plot Device." Blaze announced.

"Heh, yeah, that sounds about right." Sonic replied.

"Oh, perhaps we should go after that man? Find some way to reverse-engineer it and make it not work, or perhaps make a counter device?" Eggman suggested.

"Okay, yeah, sure, but AT LEAST LET ME GET MY FRIGGIN' GROCERIES."

"Fine.", both Eggman and Blaze pouted. Metal stood there with a blank look. He then went back to devouring a Chili dog with his new moth and taste buds.

"Wait, when did Metal Sonic get here?" Sonic asked.

"He's been standing here the whole time! When you went to get money from the ATM, I went to my lab, woke him from statis, gave him a mouth, and made him promise not to squash your head like a melon." Eggman replied. "He must have been hidden for some reason. Perhaps the Plot Device can completely cloak people, and make them seem like they are not there. Unable to react, unable to even see or speak. This is a powerful device..."

"ALRIGHT. ENOUGH. Let's talk about this while walking. Ever heard of multitasking? Yeah, come on.", Sonic grumbled angrily.

"Yeah, that's probably the best course of action." Tails said.

"Wait, when did you get here?" Sonic asked.

"Oh, I got here after the whole teacher thing."

Sonic rose his voice. "You're supposed to be with Shadow and Knuckles! Where are they?"

"Oh, um..." Tails looked around nervously, and laughed with the same emotion. "I'll find out! Stay safe!"

Sonic thought to himself, "He probably tied them up and locked them in a closet. AGAIN. uuuugh. And I swear if he takes out a chainsaw like he did at the halloween party I swear I'M GONNA-"

Sonic's thought was interrupted by a neck-tie wearing gorrila running past him. The primate snatched up Blaze, who was suddenly wearing a dress for no reason.

"Help! Sonic! Eggman! Do something!", she screamed.

So Sonic and Eggman dressed up in overalls, chased the gorrila to the top of a construction site while jumping over barrels, and saved Blaze. They then had a picnic. For the sake of not boring you, the reader, we shall head to another place...

**MEANWHILE, IN THE ORBIT OF JUPITER...**

Mighty took pride into aiming his pool cue, sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth and closing one eye. He intently pushed the cue back and forth, to make sure his ball would go right here he wanted it to be. Knowing that his trajectory was true, he pulled back the cue and sent it forward, knocking Europa into Io, and sending the moon into the stormy red spot in the planet's sky.

With a sense of accomplishment as Europa flew away, he threw his hands in the air. Seeing as he's had his fair share of Jupiter Pool, he dropped the stick, and began to strech.

"Wait a minute." Mighty said, rising from his strech. "The "stretch" was spelled wrong. In my presence. What is going-"

Suddenly, he saw, coming from the planet Earth, an object. It was a colorful object, all colors of the rainbow, but primarily pink. He was thinking of that terrible, annoying video on Youtube when suddenly he heard something.

In SPAAAAAAAAACE.

"...nyan nyan nyan nynynynyny nyan nyan nynynynyny-"

"WHAT?"

"NYAN NYAN NYAN NYNYNYNYNY NYAN NYAN..."

As it grew closer and louder nd eventutitually began circling round heem, Mighty felt the world arund he got more and mare retrded. Da clauds of Jewpiter became a dessert, the moons maed from cheeze, and sound culd move through nuttang. Butt, for whateverer reson, Mighty was not affected. Awnleey tah wurrl aroond he.

Than, thankfully, it left bakc to Erth, nd Mighty was left to wonder.

"... What?" The armadillo said, raising an eyebrow. "My common sense is tingling, and it is saying that whatever the FUCK that just was, it's going to be a problem."

Mighty looked around him. He plucked the pool cue from space, and looked over at Jupiter. If there was not a moon on the other side of this massive gas giant, his name was not Mighty. He chucked the pool cue with all of his might, and rolled into a ball. Within seconds, it came back after having bounced off of Callisto. With the force he threw it, the pool cue had ricocheted back to him, and when it hit his hard shell, it propelled him toward Earth.

That thing was trouble, and you know what Mighty does to trouble? He used to punch it in the neck, but the last time he did that didn't really fix the trouble so much as multiply it by millions. But it was resolved in the end. Now he usually just watches. Usually. Who knows.

Mighty pulled out his trusty cell phone and dialed his best buddy, Ray the Flying Squirrel. Remember him? Yeah, him.

"Hey Mighty! We're still on for tonight at the Mobius Strip, right?", said Ray.

"Yeah dude, but listen, when we're there, I need to talk to you about something. It's definitely trouble, and I think it might be caused by our old nemesis."

"... Aw CRAP! I'll tell the others, we need to get going!" Ray exclaimed.

Mighty nodded. "Yeah, do that. I'm gonna follow this _thing_..."

**END OF CHAPTER 1**

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><p>And so it begins.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2:**

MEANWHILE, BACK ON EARTH...

Sonic, Blaze, and Eggman were laughing over a likely story Sonic was telling. It was about the time Sonic wished for a mountain of hankercheifs.

"... And- and then? Oh yeah! Instead of wishing for something ininitely better, like the ability to grant my own wishes or having all the world's problems fixed, I wished for a mountain of hankerchiefs just to humor her. She thought I was pitying her but TO HELL WITH THAT!"

The group had a whole hearty laugh for a nice moment. This moment of cheerfulness was ended abruptly when Sonic stopped laughing suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Blaze asked, laying down.

"Look, what's that?" Sonic said, looking to the sky.

Both Eggman and Blaze traced his eyes to where he was looking; a rainbow-spewing poptart cat in the process of atmospheric re-entry. It was heading in at an angle, and it looked like it was heading for them.

At that moment, Sonic stood up and shouted "WATCH OUT, IT'S GONNA CRASH! AAH!"

But no, as it was getting closer to the ground, it curved up, nd soarered RITE ovr deir heds, liek 2 feat. it wass a epic miss. Blazz wachet from ground as Nyan cat flew at over 9000 miiles perhowre towrd stitan squaer.

"AGEN?", Sonic scream at top of lung. ""

"DER MUST BE ANOTHER!" Bloz shooted.

"AND POROBABLY EEVN MOAR!" Egmun shreiked like little girl.

"This es frustration!" Sonic shouted, as the distortion settled. "Why does the story keep turning to us? What happened to Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow? AGH"

Sonic randomly started making out with Blaze. What? The story needs romance, hear it is. Alright?

"Wait a minute..." Eggman said, looking at the ground. He lifted the picnic blanket and saw- HOLY SHIT WHAT THE KENTUCKY FRIED FUCK IS THAT.

MEANWHILE...

"DAMN IT TAILS, YOU KNOW HOW I DON'T LIKE BEING IN THE CLOSET WITH THIS EMO FAGGOT!" Knuckles shouted.

"I'M NOT EMO GODDAMN!" Shadow retorted.

"So...you're a faggot?" Knuckles questioned.

"SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, YOU HAD EVERY CHANCE WITH ROUGE." Shadow retorted.

Tails was sick and tired of being the sidekick. And now was his chance to shine. Before him stood a recolor, a monster, a terrible creature created by the effects of the plot device when it had passed by. And it was annoying.

"OMG HAITAILZ ITS MEEE, GANJA DA HEDGEHOG, WE KNOW EACH OTHERRR!" The MONSTROCITY of a living being squealed.

"I thought we killed all of you before..." Tails said, clenching his fists.

"OH YUS, YUU DID, BUT III'M DIFFERENT! I CAME FROM UR MEMORYS!

"Who would have memories of...of...you?" Asked Shadow.

"OH, dat's what I said to soem MEPHILIFISIS GUY. He was mean. ;~;"

Tails was confused. "Who?"

"MEPHALIFISIS, though I call him O'mally. He said he caem from suppressored memries within you guys, JUST LIKE ME! except he was meen and no one loves him but he looks kinda cool I mean he looks all CRYSTALLY nd COOL nd HE LOOKS JUST LIKE SADOW."

"...Sadow?" Shadow asked hatefully.

Tails was curious. "Did you ask why we remember him, or why we don't?"

"Oh, he was... BEING MEAN TO YOU ALL, and tried getting this GOLD guy to hurt you and your friends, but something went really wrong along the way, two people kissed, and then he wished he had forggotten it all LIKE YOU DID!"

"...Gold? Do you mean Silver?" Knuckles asked annoyed.

"YUS YUS I mean Silver I's sorry." Apologized the mentally retarded recolor.

"Alright, that's enough out of you. " Tails stated.

SO THEN TAILS GRABBED A CHAINSAW AND...

"STOP STOP STOP" Yelled a dorky looking kid.

"WHY? THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT PREPUBESCENT FOX HAS DONE ALL DAY!" Shadow yelled.

"Ok, look, I'm one of the writers, and I KNOW none of us wrote in your memories of 06. What happened?", Cola (this guy's name is Cola by the way. Agh, now I'm talking in the 3rd person. Make it stoooooop)

"But...but 06 makes everything better!" A Young kid with some school medal said.

"STOP." God said, tearing a hole in the sky and ceiling with his hands. "SONIC 06 WAS BAD, I ADMIT IT. THAT'S WHY I ERASED EVERYONE'S MEMORIES OF IT. I don't want to remember it either. Nerdy children, do NOT explain '06, it is for the better. Besides, in order to make up for that catastrophe, I wrote this up. Okay carry on"

"Ah, finally! I can get outta here! Although, quality fanfictions do have author insertions. Tell you what, I'll just pop in every now and then. Alright?", said Cola.

"But, we created a crack fic." Shrugged the kid stranger, Xenos.

"NO IFs, ANDs, OR BUTTS, XENOS", yelled Cola. "We're keeping the story from advancing."

"Yes you are. NOW CARRY ON."

The sky, and with it the ceiling, closed as God pulled them shut. Cola and Xenos swiftly ran out of the apartment. Oh yeah, and before that, Cola turned himself into a T-Rex and busted a huge hole in the ceiling. FUCK YEAH.

"Now..." Tails said. "Back to business."

SO TAILS GRABBED THE CHAINSAW AND...

BACK WITH SONIC, BLAZE, AND EGGMAN...

As Eggman stared down at what the hell he just found, Sonic and Blaze were discussing their past adventures...

"And remember when we started boosting towards eachother?" Sonic asked.

"Towards eachother...?" Blaze looked up to let her memories roll.

"HEY! I WAS THERE TWO!", Eggman shouted in the background.

* * *

><p>{FLASHBACK}<p>

* * *

><p>As both cat and hedgehog was burning with wind and fire respectively, they charged and clashed head first.<p>

"Give up! You won't stop me from my goal!" Blaze claimed.

"...You may know everything I'm going to do..." Sonic started.

"But that's not going to help you, since I know everything YOU'RE going to do! STRRRRANGE, ISN'T IT?"

"GRRRRRREEEGHH!" Sonic growled as he picked up the pace.

"Wait...what?" Blaze said, confused.

* * *

><p>{END FLASHBACK}<p>

* * *

><p>Blaze looked back at Sonic with a skeptical face. "Why... did you say that, anyway?"<p>

"Cuz I'm sanc" said Sonic, arms folded in pure sexy glory. He had his foot prodded on a small purple rock, which startled a group of nearby fans and started an entire argument built on this movement.

"... I THINK I FOUND A PLOT DEVICE!" Egguman told them. "There wuz a reason you 2 were acting up..."

The heros stood around device, looking at it.

"It's very small..." Blaze said.

"THATS WHAT SHE SAIIIID!" Sonic shouted.

"But shes rite, it ISS samller than other Plot Devieces. Their effect isn't as sever, but still can corrupt minds to the poeweress of WHOEVER THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE."

Blaze suddenly wanted to burn a small piece of wood and light yarn on fire. But she forgot about it.

"Is i poible to desteroy thees plotz deviciz?" She asked.

"Weeellllllll, loking at it, it seems to be coatled with a laiyer of some sort... Ah, yes. Plot Armor. It's a safe bet thatthis cannot be destroyed normaly this is our best chance at destrying others"

"Haow iz eet?" Sonic asked.

"Its seemple, plot devices destroy plot devices! Hat or a mary sue. Or gAry stu. Fahnny, you should know."

"HAY!" Sonic shuted, taking ofense to that. "Can we tawk normal?"

Eggman stuvved the Plot Device into picanic bakset and wrapped blanket around it. It seemed to subdue the weak forces.

"Well, now that we got that out of the way, what do we do now?" Eggman asked.

"I say we should follow that cat, thing..." Blaze dragged on, getting lost in thought. "... Sonic, you told me about a "Big" character...?"

Sonic shook his head. "Oh, no, Big is purple. And not a pop tart. Though, he's just as stupid. And how about getting my goddamn groceries. I have a surprise birthday party I need to get stuff for. Why the hell did we have this picnic anyway?"

"Uh, gorrilla, you two saved me, decided to celebrate?" Blaze refreshed his mind.

"What if that was just some Plot Device induced hallucination? I mean, that was friggin' Donkey Kong, and it was Mario who did that, not- Oh yeah I'm wearing these overalls."

Eggman got in between them. "Bah, whatever. The thing is, Sonic, there are bigger things than birthday party preparations to deal with. Can't the groceries wait?"

"... Oh, hell with it. Sure. But you're paying."

"But I need the money for another evil death trap to kill you!" the doctor replied.

"YOU'RE. PAYING.", Sonic snapped angrily.

And so the quartet of Sonic, Blaze, Eggman and Metal Sonic packed up their picnic and began heading toward Station Square. They had no idea what twisted reality they were in for... But they were prepared.

They were so prepared. Nothing could distract them from their mis-

"HEY LOOK A BAKbbbKERY", everyone yelled saimootaneously.

They enterred the bakrey, and sitting at able was Trawn Guy with bag of beagles and plot device. Tron Gai looked sad.

"There's one of em" Sanic wispred to Bloze.

"A BLOO BLOO BLOO BLOO" weeped he tron guy, making a face like :((((((

"oh god he has sex frowns" Sunic whispered.

"Hey, waht happen, meestar?", the Eggmun siad.

"I GAWN CRAAZYYYY!11!" Trun guy whaled. "I KEEP SEAING AND HEREING CWUAZY STAHF! TEH GARMMER AND TA SPALLNING AN TEH STAWRY!"

"MAEK ET STAAAAAWP!", he craid.

Sanic pointed at poot device. "DAT DEVICE ES DOINK IT! GEEV IT 2 US!"

"but its pretty pretty shiney shiney and luks like me ;_;"

"Butt Trawn Gui, if yuu doesnt give us plot device, yuu will have stay liek this for the farever!", Bleza sayd.

cying, he slammed faceinto bag of bugles and sang sad songs of sadness.

"AW WEO IT IS MEEEEEEE :CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC" Yalled trun gyu.

Sudenly John Freeman who was gorden freemans brother runned into bakrey and bumped into tran guys plut device. john Freeman went puuf alung with his plut decive, restaring everything to nurmal, slowly but surely. Sonic and the crew were relatively stunned.

"Oh my GOD." Sonic shouted. He turned to Blaze to ask "Did you see the MOUTHS on that motherfucker?" Blaze was petrified.

"I'm curious as to how he ate those bagles..." Eggman wondered.

"WHY." Metal Sonic asked loudly, not expecting an answer.

After shaking the thoughts nightmare fuel they had just observed out of their heads, they began to talk about the Plot Device's weaknesses.

"Well, it seems even if a plot device touches another, it destroys it, as well as its holder." Eggman stated. "Or, possibly, sends them to another plane of existence." [author's note: When destroyed, both holders go to Sonic '06, and must stay until it ends and time resets. Then they are sent back.]

"Another plane of existence..." Sonic repeated, thinking.

Eggman was too curious. "... Are you going anywhere with that thought or-"

"Say, can we stop by my apartment? I need to pick up a couple things before we go trying to take on other plot devices."

"Sure." Blaze said.

The doctor was all too excited for the hedgehog to lead him to his apartment. "Ooh, and what may you be wanting to fetch from your apartment?"

Sonic thought for a moment.

* * *

><p>{FLASHBACK}<p>

* * *

><p>Sonic was bored. He had fairly recently restored the entire world from being broken into seven pieces and its core, by Eggman. The usual timespan between adventures was two weeks, so he had plenty of time to kill. He was looking through boxes of stuff he didn't really use anymore, when he came across a book. It was a thick, black hardcover book. Sonic flipped it over to look at the title.<p>

"KING ARTHUR AND THE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE"

"Oh yeah," Sonic said. "This is one of those books that Tails gave me for my birthday last year. I read one of them while on vacation, got sucked in, and I never touched another. You know, what are the odds that all of these books are like that? You know what,"

Sonic took the book out to his living room area. On the counter next to the couch, two chillidogs lay waiting for him. He laid down on the couch, and opened the book.

Within a second both Sonic and his chillidogs were gone.

...

About five hours in real time later, the book shot open, and out came Sonic. He shook his head as he got up. Sonic looked back at the book. He went on some crazy adventure defeating the Knights of the Round Table with the help of a talking sword. He got ripped out of reality to do it. He looked at the clock, and noticed only five hours passed.

But he had spent five days in the book.

It was then Sonic realize the book might actually have some practical use.

* * *

><p>{END FLASHBACK}<p>

* * *

><p>"Oh... things that'll be helpful." Sonic admitted.<p>

**END OF CHAPTER 2.**


	3. Chapter 3

Okay yeah so I should be buffered for a little bit, so I can start doing a few updates.

**CHAPTER 3**

Big had lost his friend Froggy once more. He was searching all around Mystic Ruins for him, fishing in every puddle, lake, and stream he could find, when suddenly, here came Ganja da Hedgehog, flopping like a fish down stream and onto Big's hook. Big pulled the green hedgehog out of the water and on the shore of the lake.

"You look familiar..." Big stated.

Ganja opened his mouth and pulled out a fish. He tossed it aside and pointed at the fat cat. "OH I REMEMBER YOU! UR BIIIIG! I alwuys tought u wer prty kewl."

Big looked confused. "... _Gaaanjaaaa_?"

Ganja put a finger against his chin, thinking, and suddenly had an idea, complete with lightbulb. He opened his mouth again, and pulled out cooked frogs legs.

Big would recognize those legs anywhere.

"...F-froggy?", Big asked with a worried expression.

"Nuuuuuu! It is Noorten! Frend of Frogy!", Ganja exclamed.

"..." Big was silent. SUDDENLY, Big grew an extremely manly mustache and his chest fur level doubled. His voice also got noticably deeper.

"So, you cooked and ate Norton, Froggy's best friend?", Big said firmly.

"Yah! Yeh!"

"_Underwater_?"

"Yup yup."

"OH, YOU'VE SCREWED UP BIG TIME, MOTHERFUCKER!" Big yelled.

He violently grabbed Ganja by the neck and held him up with one hand. "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, HUH? HUH? BECAUSE OF YOU MY BEST FRIEND LOST ONE OF HIS PALS, BECAUSE YOU FUCKING ATE HIM, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Oooh, water YOOUUU gonna do bout it, muscle wizard?" Ganja mocked.

"I CAST FIST!"

A mushroom cloud swept across the Mystic Ruins and pierced miles into the sky.

Ganja's fur has disintegrated, and he's lost a few teeth. The trees around Big have been knocked over, and there is a large imprint of a fist in the ground. FUCK YEAH.

"Don't fuck with me, Ganja. Wanna face my fist of fury again? HUH, YOU LITTLE SHIT?" Big yelled.

"But teh last time I got puncht liek _that_, I _died so hard I DID THE OPPOSITE_. I lived, and MULTIPLIED into _BAJILLIAONS_of clones, including SUPER MARY SUE OVER POWERED RECOLOR RECOLOR Ganjas. Oh and a dozen of us got captured by Amy, painted blue, and used as sex slaves. Are you SURE you want to do that?"

"Mighty hasn't perfected his techinque yet. I have. I CAN PUNCH YOU SO HARD I CAN ERASE YOU FROM THE FABRIC OF EXISTENCE. MIGHTY LEARNED EVEYTHING FROM ME. I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO PUNCH YOU BACK TOGETHER TO FIX THE WHOLE DAMN PROBLEM! I DID IT ONCE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!"

"Dude, he INVENTED pain. He was pissed off that armadillos make up 12% of Texan roadkill, and then made texans look like the most retarded people on the planet. One week later, George W. Bush was elected. His name is an acronym for **M**ighty **I**s** G**onna **H**orribly **T**rash **Y**ou. THE WORD "ARMAGEDDON" COMES FROM THE WORDS "ARMADILLO GETS IT ON", for pete's sake. Even _I_KNOW THOSE FACTS."

"Common misconception. Mighty says that to make himself look like more of a badass than he really is. It's not true."

"OI, LARDASS!"

Big turned around, not at all threatened or offended by the insult. He found himself staring at the revolver of a purple weasel.

"_What are you up to this time?_" Fang the Sniper asked through clenched teeth.

"Nice to see you too, Nack. I take it you're going with Mighty and Ray to the _Mobius Strip _tonight?"

Fang growled. "Nah, I juss got back from dere, actually. 'Ey said that somethin' was up, and it's probly an old nemesis a' ours..."

"Figures. Look, I need to find Froggy, he ran off again. Explain while we look."

The two were about to set off on the search, but the hedgehog had to make himself noticed to Fang. "HAI I REMEMBER Y-... oh please don't hurt me."

"WAIT." Fang swung around on his heel to walk over to Ganja. "YOU AGAIN? I SWEAR TO GOD I KILLED A MILLION OF YE BLODDY SHITFUCKS LAST TIME, WHY THE FUCK ARE YA BACK! _HOW_THE FUCK ARE YA BACK?" Fang pointed the .44 Magnum at Ganja with immense hate in his eyes.

Ganja's weak knees clacked twice before saying "GAATTA JUICE!" and blasted off down the stream.

"Bloody cunt fuck," The weasel cursed, putting down the pistol. "This shit is BAD."

"Now, about _"this shit"_..." Big inquired.

"Yeh, about this shit." Fang began, as they began to search for Froggy.

**BACK TO SONIC, BLAZE, ETC.**

The four walked into the apartment building and walked into the elevator. Sonic pressed the '20' button, and the elevator rose. It stopped at the 19th floor as a fatass couple squeezed their asses into the elevator. Because of their immense weight, the elevator went all the way back to the first floor. And then they went back up to the 20th floor after an hour of waiting for the stink to clear out.

"Agh, finally!" Sonic shouted as he finally walked into his apartment.

Metal replied, "I appreciate the fact that the Doctor did not give me smell receptors. Otherwise, I would have had to endure that horrible stench."

"So what is it you wanted to get, Sonic?", Blaze asked.

"Oh, a couple things, but first I need to put out some air fresheners. Settle down and let me get them." Sonic said, walking into his closet. He took a couple air fresheners, and held them to his nose, taking the smell with delight.(They smelled like lavender, Emerald Coast, and Chili Dogs, respectively) He then ran around the small apartment, placing them. He returned to his closet, and grabbed a book. He left the closet.

"Is that it?", Blaze said, looking at the fairly large book.

Sonic shook his head. "Nah, it's not. But..." He walked into his room, and pulled open a dresser. He pulled out a large, familiar green gem they all knew well. "This is."

"Why do you keep a Chaos Emerald in your dresser?", Eggman asked.

Sonic chuckled. "You think I keep clothes in these things?"

"And why don't you own a mansion, or something?" Blaze asked, jumping on his bed. "Surely you could afford it."

Sonic began to back up toward the window. The movement reminded him that he was still wearing overalls. He began to undo them. "I don't really stay here that much. World traveling and-"

**CLAM, CLALALA...**

Sonic was all too familiar with the sound of something falling off the fire escape.

"Aw shit what?" Sonic asked, swinging his head around. He opened his window, and looked out. "Oh God damn it, Amy camped out on my fire escape. _AGAIN_."

Sonic leaned out further. "AMY! ARE YOU OKAY?", he shouted out the window.

"I'm fine, my darling Sonic! There was a mattress truck parked outside!"

"That's a relief! But could you PLEASE stop camping on the fire escape? I mean, I _TOLD_ you Amy! I _TOLD_ you about this fire escape! I mean, _this keeps happening!_"

"MARRY ME FIRST!"

"NO WAY!", Sonic shouted as he slammed the window shut.

"I told her to stop before, but she just keeps on doing it. That's why I spelled her name wrong in the Chao in Space 2 credits.", Sonic said. "Everyone else's names are wrong because they guy typing the credits was a pirate. He could only see with one eye and had to type with hooks on both his hands. I felt bad for the guy and didn't want to have to fire him, he was a great worker. He has kids, too. He's like... the complete antithesis of a pirate in terms of personality. It's weird."

"Alright, is that it?" Blaze asked.

"Yup. That's it. Now let's go, before-"

Amy had reached the window, and swung it open. "Can I come with you?"

Sonic briefly wondered if this was a good idea or not. But, since getting out of bed today was not a good idea in the first place, and all logic has since left the building, he thought why not. Unfortunately, he was so used to saying 'No' to Amy that he instead blurted out, "No. I left Tails with Shadow and Knuckles, and I'm pretty sure he's got the chainsaw out again. Can you maybe go bash his head in with that Piko Piko hammer of yours? For me?"

Amy's smile faded. She glared at the cat laying on his bed with a glare that seemed to send death threats and insults.

"NO AMY I AM NOT DATING BLAZE SHE JUST CAME OUTTA NOWHERE OK? IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'LL GO CHECK ON TAILS FOR ME AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T FIND OUT ABOUT THE SUPRISE PARTY."

"Oh, I knew that." She assured.

"I'll go do that." She began to pack up her camp fire and walk down the stairs of the fire escape. "_BYE-BYE~!_"

"Besides, Metal is here. Do you remember what happened last time?", he yelled after her.

Amy didn't answer, though she heard what he said. She was busy plotting.

"AMY! YOU BETTER NOT BE PLOTTING AGAIN!", Sonic shouted with an insane amount of rage.

"Fine.", she pouted. "But I'm only doing this because I love you!"

"Amy, you don't understand. I've had a rough day, I'm trying to set up for a surprise party for my insane per-pubescent adopted brother, and I haven't even gotten to the store yet. Alright? If you make sure to not plot or anything, I'll make you some cookies!", Sonic shouted down the stairwell while holding Metal away with his hand. Sonic is an excellent cook. It's one of his favorite pastimes. Didn't know that? You do now.

Amy decided she had better plans, "...Instead of cookies, could you throw _Metal Sonic_down?" She batted here eyelids innocently.

Sonic blinked, and decided, if Metal Sonic was gone, it'd be one less recolor! So he put a grip on Metal Sonic's head and swung him down quickly.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Eggman asked.

Sonic replied, "Sorry! Old habit! Why would she want him, anyway?"

Blaze, Sonic, and Eggman stared down to see what was happening.

Metal Sonic was backed into the wall as he stared at the demon figure about to bring the Piko Piko Hammer of judgment down.

"You...dare...try to hurt my BOYFRIEND?" Amy bellowed.

"I didn't even touch him." Metal Sonic replied. "I'm hardly even acknowledged."

"But you just appeared in 2 spinoffs, an anniversary game, and are in an upcoming game in development." Amy said bluntly.

"You've been in more games than I have, despite us being introduced at the same time, in the same game.", Metal replied.

"AND SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET A MOUTH?" Amy noticed suddenly, her jaw dropping.

"When he decided to have a snappy attitude like Sonic...I blame myself for that." Eggman face palmed. "He has a faceplate to cover it, but he's been eating Chili Dogs all day. Just like... Sonic."

"Maybe you should get over your obsession with Blue Hedgehogs, doctor." Blaze added.

Eggman shrugged plainly. "He was originally meant to be as close to him as possible, but there of course was the need to make him loyal, and stay loyal. I also gave him sharper fingers, etc."

"Were sharp fingers really gonna make a difference?" Blaze asked bored.

"Not really, but that's not the point. The point was to-"

Sonic was walking away. "Let's just GO already, we've got an annoying Nyan Cat to kill and a plot device to destroy."

"Um, Sonic, you're forgetting one thing." Eggman began.

"What?" Sonic asked impatiently.

"Overalls."

"What overalls? Oh.", Sonic said. "Eh... I guess they're comfy. Come on, let's get going!"

"But I'd like to change ba-"

"RED ALERT, RED ALERT, EGGMAN IS STRIPPING" Sonic shouted, leaving the room. Blaze sprung up from the bed and ran out the door. Sonic grabbed Metal's head and dragged him into the elevator. Eggman groaned, and followed, still not in his preffered attire. Sonic, Metal, Eggman and Blaze entered the elevator. Amy stood there, awestruck.

"What just happened?", she asked herself. She ran down the stairs to see if she could catch him.

**MEANWHILE...**

Tails gripped his chainsaw firmly. Shadow and Knuckles were looking at Tails in fear. They knew what he was doing again.

Shadow wondered why he was still standing around, so he grabbed his hammer-space'd emerald and prepared.

"Chaos...CONTRO-" *PIKO PIKO*

Amy burst through the wall and simultaneously hit Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow with her hammer, knocking them out. She then tied them up and locked them in a closet.

"There!", she said with a sense of accomplishment! "No more trouble, and I can go back to looking for my dear Sonic!" She pranced through the hole she made in the wall and headed to her house in the Mystic Ruins, where the was going to get more rope, her tarot cards, and a bigger hammer. On her way home, she spotted Ganja outside her house, eating a Taco. Just as he was about to take a bite, She rushed to him and held him in a death embrace.

"Gotcha! My darling Sonic!", she squealed. "I'm never letting you go!"

"OMG ITZ YOU!111!" Ganja squealed. "GO AWAY UR SCAWRY D&="

"Wait, I'd recongize that voice anywhere...". Amy mulled over the situation. "...and he smells funny..."

"IT'S ONE OF THE RECOLORS! HOW DID YOU GET LOOSE?", She screamed.

Ganja jolted as Amy bit his ear. "RUN AWAAAAYYYYY!11!11!OMGOGMOGMGOMGMGMOG"

And so Ganja began to run, with Amy stuck on his ear like a leech. He twisted and turned, slamming into trees and rocks and destroying them all one by one as the blissfully ignorant fan character ran toward the city of Station Square with one of the most chronically insane women on the planet with her hands around his neck.

"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG HEEEEEEALP", the freak of nature yelled. He ran into the street and got hit by a car. His body flew through the air, but Amy was still latching on. He bit her fingers, landed, and ran away as fast as his little recolor legs could carry him.

She screamed murderously, "GANJA! I'M GONNA FIND YOU, THERE'S NO USE HIDING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

**END OF CHAPTER 3.**


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